We Always Promised
by hyrew
Summary: Oneshot. Nick reflects on the saddest day of his life as he visits an old friend. Warning: character death. Possible trigger.


(A.N:/ Alright, so this idea has been in my drafts for about three months now and the rest of the prompts/requests that are in my ask I am still trying to think of how to write AND the Niff tag is depressingly empty so I figured I would write you guys something. Rating it M just to be careful…Warning: character death. Anyway, hope you all enjoy and are ready for some angst haha)

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><p><em>We always promised. We always promised to never fight. We always promised to be friends forever. We always promised to be there for each other no matter what. We always promised to graduate high school and go to the same college. We always promised to get married one day and adopt a small army of children that we would force to be best friends. We always promised to grow old together. We always promised.<em> Nick thought to himself as he stood in front of the stone marker. He smiled bitterly at it, bowing his head a little to show respect before sitting down in front of it. He placed the flowers in his hand in front of the stone marker, they were sunflowers. His favourite flower. "I brought you something. Well, obviously…" He said, motioning to the flowers. "But not just that. Something else too. And I'll give it to you…but later. I'd like to talk a little first, if that's alright with you." Nick said, realizing he was talking to stone. "Wow, I'm almost glad no one is here or else I'd look like a mad man!" He said, chuckling a little to himself. "Today was better than I thought it would be…It was still bad, just not _as_ bad as I figured…Which, I guess is good. It still didn't feel right without you though. You should have been there. They did mention you though and we all had a moment of silence for you…So don't worry, no one has forgotten you. No one will _ever_ forget you. At least, not me…I miss you. A lot. It doesn't feel right without you. Nothing feels right without you. Every thing I do, every joke I hear, every word I say, I think to myself 'what would he do if he were here'…It's weird, at first I knew you weren't coming back. I still _know_ you aren't coming back but…it was different. Now it just feels like you're on vacation or something and are going to be coming back soon. It doesn't feel like you're gone, and I know that you are. I know that you aren't ever coming back and that I will never see you again. I'll never hear your laugh, or see your smile, look into your gorgeous eyes, kiss you, marry you, grow old with you, even die with you. I know that you are gone. That you're dead. And that nothing will ever change that…I know all of that…but it doesn't feel like it. It feels fake. Like some horrible prank you're trying to play on me. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are moments when it suddenly hits me and becomes real but then those moments pass and it feels fake again…I don't know, maybe that's just me trying to cope the only way I know how…That doesn't mean I don't miss you though, because I do. I really, _really_ do. I miss you more and more each day and sometimes I wake up in the morning and turn around expecting to see your smiling face, watching me sleep like you used to love to do…But it never happens. It wont ever happen. It _can't_ ever happen. Yet, every morning I do the same thing; wake up, turn around, and expect to see you. It's been almost five months and I still do the same thing every single day. I didn't even do that when you were alive! I always got creeped out when I woke up to you watching me sleep. I hated it, in fact. I hated a lot of things. How you always chewed with your mouth open, or how you ate on _my_ bed but never yours and always got crumbs everywhere. How you managed to track mud and dirt everywhere even if you didn't go outside. How you used all the hot water and always took too long in the shower. How you tugged at my hair when you were mad at me. How you liked to eat onions and anchovies just so you would have disgusting breath whenever we kissed. How you liked to hide my hairbrush and how you used my toothbrush to clean your shoes without telling me. I hated how you always drew inappropriate things on the backs of my homework so I would get in trouble. And I hated how you would poke my sides really hard when you wanted to me wake up…But I would give anything and everything just to have that back. I-I…I fucking love you. Not loved, _love_. I will never stop loving you. I don't even think it's possible for me to quit….And I'm sorry. I don't think I ever apologized. Because it was my fault. It was my fault we had that fight and it was my fault you stormed out. It was my fault that car hit you and it was my fault you had to die in pain and way too damn soon. I never got to say that I'm sorry but worse of all I never got to tell you that I love you. You died not knowing that I was in love with you…and that kills me every second that I'm alive. And it always will." Nick said as he openly wept. He remained quiet for some time as he reflected on the saddest day of his life. The day his best friend died. The day his boyfriend died. The day Jeff died.

_"I fucking hate you!" Nick yelled as he threw whatever he could grab at Nick. He was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably._

_Jeff easily dodged the items seeing as Nick wasn't aiming but simply throwing whatever he could get his hands on. "Stop!" Jeff hissed angrily at the brunet as he was hit in the face with a book._

_"Why would you do this to me! How could you! I thought you cared about me Jeff!" Nick sobbed, yet still remained just as angry._

_"I do! That's why I did what I did! I _had_ to Nick! It had to be done!" Jeff yelled._

_"I can't believe you told them! I trusted you Jeff!"_

_"Nick, you're hurting yourself! I couldn't stand to watch you hurt yourself any longer!-"_

_"So this was about _you_! Fuck you Jeff! You don't know anything! You're an idiot! You can't do anything right! You just stabbed me in the back Jeff! You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!"_

_"And you promised you would stop cutting yourself!" Jeff sobbed, feeling hurt over what his boyfriend had said about him. He knew he didn't mean it, that it was just Nick being hurt, but that didn't make it sting any less._

_"I fucking hate you!"_

_"You don't mean that Nicky." Jeff said, trying his best to calm himself, and Nick, down. It wasn't working._

_"You don't know anything Jeff! I fucking trusted you!"_

_"And you need to trust me now. I did this _for_ you! I _had_ to tell your parents! I want you to get better Nicky and I know you do too…Telling them was the only thing I could do to help you. I did it because I care, not to stab you in the back. I know I promised that I wouldn't tell, and I truly feel horrible for breaking a promise with you but you needed help. You still do! Breaking that promise was the only thing I could do to help you…You said you weren't going to do it anymore. You promised me and you did again. You said you would never cut yourself again and if you ever did, or even felt the urge to, you would come to me so I could help you but you didn't! You lied to me too!" Jeff yelled, starting to become angry. He knew he shouldn't, that he needed to remain calm for Nick's sake, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. He had just found out that his boyfriend had been cutting himself again just a few hours ago and now he was freaking out and screaming at Jeff. He _couldn_'t remain calm. That was impossible. _

_"Get the fuck out of my house!" Nick screamed, pointing to the door._

_"Nicky, no. You need me right now. I can't leave you alone. I'm waiting here until your mom comes back." Jeff said. _'Besides she has my car, it's midnight and it's raining outside.'_ Jeff mentally added. _

_"Like I give a fuck! Now get the fuck out of my house! Now!"_

_"Nic-"_

_"Now!" Nick said, pushing Jeff. _

_Sure the two have had fights beforeJeff suddenly became angrier then he had ever been in his life. He knew it wasn't Nick's fault. He knew Nick would be upset once he found out and Jeff knew that he was supposed to remain calm and support his best friend, and boyfriend, through such a hard time. But something just clicked in his brain that made him beyond angry. Jeff glared at the brunet. "Fine. Whatever Nick." Jeff said as he stormed out of Nick's room, down the stairs, and out of the house._

_Nick, for whatever reason, felt he wasn't done yelling at the blond, followed him the whole way. "I'm not done with you!" Nick yelled, angrily, chasing the blond who was now standing in the middle of the street. _

_"Well, I'm done with you!" Jeff yelled angrily, turning back around._

_Then Nick saw it. He saw the bright light but Jeff didn't seem to. "Jeff! Look ou-" It was too late. He didn't even time to finish his sentence before the car collided with Jeff. Nick watched in horror as Jeff's body flew ten feet in the air and landed with a harsh thud on the concrete street. The car didn't never stopped. The driver, a drunk driver, didn't even slow down when he saw Jeff standing in the street. He didn't even try to. One of Nick's neighbors who had heard the boys yelling came out and saw the sight. She quickly ran back in her house to call an ambulance for Jeff.  
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_Nick ran as fast as he could to Jeff. Kneeling down as he carefully placed Jeff's head in his lap. Jeff's bright blond hair was now mostly stained with blood, making it appear to be a bright red colour. Nick watched as his boyfriend, the love of his life, looked up at him and smiled pathetically at him. Nick watched as his own tears fell on Jeff's face and mixed with the rain and blood. "J-Jeff." Nick was trembling. He was trembling so hard he couldn't even speak, and he hated himself for that. His boyfriends last moments on Earth and he couldn't even talk. Nick knew Jeff wasn't going to make it. But what was worse was that somehow he knew Jeff knew it too._

_"N-nicky…I…I don't want us to end f-fighting. P-please, forgive me."_

_Nick started crying harder. "No, it's not your fault. You were just trying to help Jeff." Nick said, stroking his hair soothingly._

_"Promise me you'll q-quit cutting."_

_"Of course. I promise." Nick said, crying harder. Of course Jeff would be more concerned about him when he was dying. That was just like Jeff, to always put Nick ahead of him no matter what. Jeff's eyes seemed to be getting duller and duller and Nick knew he was about to go. This was his last chance. He had to tell him now. "Jeff, there's something I need to tell you."_

_"Goodbye Nicky." Jeff said, his eyes becoming duller. The light seemed to completely fade out of them. His once joyful eyes were now cold and lifeless._

_"Jeff? No! Jeff! Don't go! I'm sorry I yelled at you. I-I…I love you!" Nick yelled, but it was too late. Jeff was already gone. His best friend was gone. His boyfriend, the love of his life was gone. His Jeff was gone. And he never knew that Nick was head over heels, madly in love with him. _

Nick stiffened as he was brought back to reality by a cold wind. "I-I…I like to think that even though I never got the chance to tell you, that you always knew. I like to believe that you knew I was in love with you. And even though you never got the chance to tell me either, I like to believe that you loved me too. I don't know…It just seems right. Like it's true. Or maybe I just need so desperately to believe that you knew that I just do believe…But here we are, the two of us…on graduation day here. You stuck down there in the ground forever and me stuck up here by myself. At first, I was even mad at you for leaving me. But, of course, I can never stay mad at you. This was supposed to be our year Jeff." Nick said, shrugging and laughing lightly to himself. Over the course of the last five months Nick found it to be a normal habit to visit Jeff's grave and talk to him. He did it ever day in fact. And every day he told him that he loved him and that he was sorry for yelling at him. And when he was done saying that he pushed up his sleeves to show the grave marker his bare, scar-less, arms to show him that he hadn't cut himself once since he promised Jeff. "Anyway, it's starting to get dark and mom is expecting me home for dinner soon. But don't worry, I didn't forget your gift." Nick went into his messenger bag to pull out a little navy blue hat with a maroon tassel on the side. He placed the hat on the grave and turned the tassel the other way. Nick chuckled to himself. "And you always said you'd never graduate high school." Nick got up and patten the grave marker. "I love you Jeff."

_We always promised. We always promised to never fight. We always promised to be friends forever. We always promised to be there for each other no matter what. We always promised to graduate high school and go to the same college. We always promised to get married one day and adopt a small army of children that we would force to be best friends. We always promised to grow old together. We always promised._

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><p>(A.N: Wow, that has been in my drafts for a LONG time! Haha but yeah, I really hope you guys enjoyed it…well, as much as you can enjoy a character dying…but yeah, I hope you guys liked it. :D XOXO)


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